Spring time

Andrew Kemmis
March 18, 2009
Filed under Archives, News

Ah, yes, spring. It’s that time again, that time when all the cute little animals come out of their little hide holes, shed their winter coats, and return to the business of last spring, namely eating each other. We do the same thing (except the eating) as we put the coats and hats back in the closet, take out the shorts and t-shirts, and get ready for outdoor excitement!

Except not really. This is the point when tiny little invaders called ‘pollen’ start assaulting our noses. These ‘pollen’ repeatedly attack our  ‘nasal passages’ and make us feel ‘unwell’ by causing ‘sneezes’, which are occasionally strong enough to take out the ‘tri-state area’.  This is only ONE of the many worries of spring. There are plenty more, and several events that you need to be made aware of. Let’s talk about what you need to know about this, the most dangerous of seasons.

Hay fever: We can’t stress this enough: pollen is the enemy. And like any enemy, it must be eradicated. You need to stock up for anti-sneeze warfare. You need allergy pills, like Benadryl, or Claritin. You need nasal spray. You need air purifiers. Devote an entire room to the stockpiling of pharmaceuticals. Think: does your sick grandmother really need a bedroom? It’s her or your nose, friend.

Spring cleaning: lets face it, there’s nothing more tedious than cleaning your entire house, combine that with some less than enthusiastic people. You’re in for a long haul. The best course of action is to go where your family can’t find you and make you work. We’re thinking someplace like Germany here. Also, why do we clean in the spring? Why not clean in the winter, when you’re captive in your house due to eight inches of white? Makes more sense to me.

Spring Break, this one’s a doozy. Think about a bunch of hormone challenged college and high school kids combined with no parents, lots of freedom and general debauchery and you have a recipe for wild parties, vandalism and music in excess of 110 decibels. Bring a friend. Bring a football helmet. You’ll see why.

So yes, there are a few worries, but never fret, we’ll have a wonderful smorgasbord of excitement and fun! See you all there!